Solo Outing

For the first time in a long time (13 months at least?), I was out on my own when the sun was still shining.

I made both girls nap and got out of the house when Max got home. Just for a little outing by myself.

And I discovered/rediscovered a number of things:

1. Reading maps is so easy when I don't have anyone tugging at my skirt. 

2. Wait, I can wear a skirt when I'm alone!

3. My bag doesn't always have to weigh 10kg

4. Either people were really tall in the 60s and 70s or I'm just too short for vintage dresses.

5. It's so much fun being an iPodestrian

I love being a mum but being out by myself is really refreshing. 

Have a happy weekend! 

WOW: The Pajama Window

This Words of Wisdom (Wow) post is brought to you by Calla, aged 13 months. 

 

It's so cool to be one year old. You get to go out of the house in your jammies, just because. And everyone coos at you and talks to you in a high pitched voice that always seems to end with a question mark.

"Aren't you cute in your pajamas?"
"You must really feel nice and warm, don't you?"

The next time you can do it is probably when you're 60. And I don't think anyone's going to tell you how cute you look. So take advantage of this window of opportunity while you can.

Same Same But Different - Beach

Woods in the Books is in My Part of the Woods!

It was getting a little embarrassing - people coming up to me and saying "Hey you live in Tiong Bahru, right? Have you been to _______ (insert name of latest bookshop/cafe/coffee joint)?". 

The answer's usually no. Well for starters, Max and I are kind of over that phase (and financial capacity) of spending $6 for a cup of coffee. Secondly, 2 kids in a coffee joint is a clear invitation for trouble.

Such a pretty store front! I think "whimsical" seems to describe it best

We love walking around our estate (I've done two posts here and here), but we've mostly admired the architecture and tried to peep into neighbours' homes. Today, instead of turning left to go deeper into the estate, Calla and I ventured in the opposite direction in search of adventure!

Find somewhere else for your Monday Blues, a'ight?

We stumbled upon a lovely lovely bookshop called Woods in the Books, which is a treasure trove of picture books. Think classics like The Little Prince and Where the Wild Things Are. Think classy books, not the cheapy kind that you would find at local book chains. I'm not a kid-book snob; I have tons of cheapy kids' books from local book chains, which is why it was such a refreshing change to be in a real bookshop. I even had a little Notting Hill moment.

They also support local authors and have a cool selection of local books. 

Books, books, books!

When oh when will my craft corner ever look this neat?

We were greeted with a friendly "Hello!", and not the typical yell of "Hello, welCARM!" that gives me goose pimples. No one rushed me, no one stood half a step behind me, pretending to be invisible, no one gave me dirty looks for simply browsing and not buying. This was a shop opened by folks who clearly loved books and had a respect for customers' personal space.

I think I'm going to repaint my walls white

The prices, while not the cheapest, are not exhorbitant. Despite our exploding bookcases at home, I couldn't resist buying a board book for Calla. And yes, I know that it will probably end up getting chewed on. Had a little chat with the owner Shannon; they've not been around Tiong Bahru for long, so if you're in the area, drop by and show some love, won't you?

The funniest/saddest books I've seen in a long while!

Many other pretty things to buy

Great news! There's a promo going on with Singapore Motherhood - 20% off 4 selected books - till 31 May. Details here.

Oh check it out! Even their letter boxes are pretty!

Disclaimer: Nope, I wasn't paid to write this post. Just giving a shout out to help a fellow Tiong Bahru neighbour cos that's what neighbours do in the spirit of kampong-ness!

Hopscotch in the Shade

Have you noticed how hot it's been these past few days? We originally wanted to go to the park but the very thought of getting out of the house was enough to cause me to break into a sweat.

We also brought bubbles :)

So we compromised. "Poppy, wanna go play Hopscotch downstairs?". I was all prepared for a big fat whiney "Nooooo I want to go to the park!" but to my utter surprise, she was really excited. So we armed ourselves with a box of chalk, loaded up, and set out.

Here's something that many people take for granted. Shade. Seriously. In a country that experiences an average temperature of 30 degrees Celcius (today we had a high of 35 and a low of 26 - gosh!), shade is a good thing. Shade is a wonderful thing. Even a few seconds of shade thanks to a passing cloud can provide such relief.

And it is in the shade of our block, that we hopped the evening away :) Poppy absolutely rocks at Hopscotch!

What are you thankful for this Tuesday?

Tiramisu Saves the Day

It was one of those days when everything was eating away at my patience. It was Friday and we were looking forward to an afternoon treat to mark the end of a wretched cough.

But then it started to drizzle and we hurried to avoid the impending storm, and hurrying always puts me in a happy smiley mood. Note: that was sarcasm.

And then there were the little things like the baby wanting to escape from the carrier while in the taxi and in the process of doing so, jabbing my boobs with her ankles and elbowing my nose and leaving me thinking "Urgh did she just smear my lip gloss over my cheek?"

And Poppy insisting on holding the umbrella that threatened to open in the taxi and asking me to read out every single road sign along the way. And the husband's messages coming through at regular intervals which were nice and sweet and of offers of help, but they just gnawed at me because he was able to write without having to prevent anyone from opening car doors, or answer a million questions.

One of those days indeed.

But still, we were on our way for a special treat. And if I had to work hard to deserve it, then so be it. Because this was way worth it.

Tiramisu from Modesto's. The only tiramisu I'm able to eat without throwing up (all the others I've had we're so heavy and rich). And it was mine. All mine.

Sure, the baby skipped her afternoon nap, and we had an evening with cranky and whiney snippets from both girls, we were all wiped out and got home later than usual, but mum's patience bank has been recharged.

Today is Day 12 of my Orange Rhino challenge. Which means I have not done any crazy yelling at anyone. Perhaps tiramisu is a good form of release for me.

A Morning Walk in Pictures

One morning, I was feeding Calla when my phone beeped. My mother-in-law was buzzing to say hi in Facebook. As I cleaned the yoghurt off Calla's face, an idea jumped into my head.

"We're heading to the market, would you like to follow us?" I asked my mother-in-law who lived on the other side of the world.

"Sure" she answered.

And follow us she did, through these pictures. Join us?

The lone peg

I can never get tired of looking at these staircases. But I can get tired of climbing them.

This is our regular fish stall. See those salmon slices? They're $10 a piece. This young boss zips off for his second job as a real estate agent after his stall closes for the day

I hope these little provision shops never go extinct

Ong lai. Huat ah!

"Can I take your picture, Uncle?" "Sure, go ahead!". What a sport.

I put my phone at a slightly lower angle; I think this is what Calla often sees!

I see these little packs each time I'm at the market, but it's usually crowded, so this was my first time to view it from this angle.

I love old windows!

So pretty.

Ixoras. As a kid, did you also pull out the little sticks from these flowers gently to drink the nectar? I thought it applied to all flowers and I almost got poisoned by a periwinkle.

This is a common sight; renovations happen daily around the estate. And construction workers always pick nap times for the loudest works

Happy Friday!

Animal Ranger

I'm not just a mum. Sometimes I also moonlight as an animal ranger.

What's floating in your bathtub today?

I'm Just a Regular Mum

Once in a while, a random person says to me something to the effect of, "I don't know how you do it."

Umm. Do what exactly? Have a messy house? Have a shoe bench that we can't actually sit on cos it's filled with stuff (I say stuff cos I don't even know what stuff there is)? Have babies walking around at home only in their diapers? Have fingerprint marks all over the mirror? Have kids eat off the floor?

I have to pause for a while in an attempt to figure it out.

"How do you manage to take care of 2 kids by yourself without any help, and manage to, you know, smile?"

How can I put it in such a way that it's not impossible without making it sound like it's easy peasy lemon squeezy because I don't want the other person (usually a mum) screaming at me with "Are you saying I can't even do a simple thing?!" Because trust me on this: Mums. Can. Scream.

This is my 5th year as a home-based mum. The last 13 months have been as a home-based mum of two. I don't get any external help except from our once every supposed-to-be-weekly-but-it's-more-like-monthly cleaner. This year, because of Poppy's change in schedule, I have to prepare lunch and dinner. Max is pescatarian (which means he only eats veg and seafood) so cooking for our family is tricky. It's like one of those mathematical questions, one which we'd need to draw overlapping circles to find out whose food needs is a subset of who else's.

If I hadn't chosen this route, I probably wouldn't have many moments like these: 

Calla learning to share. Love it.

Or be there to see Calla wake from every nap all groggy and change from little miss shy smile to madam huge grin in the span of 5 minutes.

Calla with morning hair

I probably wouldn't have had the time to do up their princess fort for them.

Internet cafe, sister style

Or bring Poppy out for scooting adventures so often.

She chose her outfit. Not something I would have chosen but hey, when you're 4.5, you can get away with wearing anything

So that's all the fun stuff. That's the stuff people see. That's the stuff that makes people say "Wow you're so capable".

You know what the truth is? It's that anyone can do it. No, really. I mean yes, really. I mean... You know what I mean. I spent my first year feeling slightly depressed, very confused, and pretty much jealous of everyone else. But I'm quite glad to say it's all good now, and I think, I really think, that anyone can do it.

Look, I'll share what I do, and then you'll understand how doable it is:

Set a routine of sorts
When Poppy was a baby, we started to all have early dinners. We're usually eating at about 545 or 6, and done in time for the girls to have their shower/bath routine and in bed by 715. Ish. So they know what to expect. If everything goes haywire in our home, Max and I take heart in knowing that at least by 8, we'll have a quiet house. It keeps everyone sane.

Having said that....

Plan, but be flexible about it
I live my life in weeks now. I like to know that in any given week, I have a bit of an afternoon off because Poppy has an extra class and that we could have 2-3 afternoon outings with friends. When it was just me and Poppy, we went out almost every afternoon. Now with 2, I just can't because it's really tiring. And now I like having a couple of afternoons at home without any plan. Sometimes we craft, sometimes we have little lessons, sometimes the girls play in their princess fort, sometimes we read, sometimes we write letters, sometimes we watch tv, and sometimes, I let Poppy just 'be bored'. Because I think it will teach her to be inquisitive and look for things to do instead of always having activities presented to her. 

Cleanliness is next to Godliness yes, but...
.... That don't apply to me. I've learnt to close both eyes when it comes to cleanliness. I've learnt to tolerate a little dust. Sure, I get the broom and mop out occasionally, but I'm not going to spend all my time on housework and neglect the kids. Learn to ignore the dirt a little. You're home for the kids, not for the house. 

Be prepared for change, and to change
If you've taken on some part time work, forget the idea of quietly working in a cafe somewhere. You're probably going to have to type away on your lappie while Baby is sleeping on your lap, or work in the dead of the night, or in between laundry hanging. The sooner you come to terms with it, the sooner you'll start being happier.

Coffee works. Wonders.
For you. I suppose it could work on the kids too but I'm not likely to try that anytime soon. So yeah, give yourself a break in the mid afternoon and have a cuppa. I start feeling a little sluggish at about 3, so coffee is a great welcome then.

Snack. Often.
I find it ironic that while I'm concerned about what my kids eat (or don't eat), I hardly ever plan healthy snacks for myself. Yes we have fruit, but fruit is totally boring when you can have..... NUTELLA. Often I find myself gravitating toward the kitchen to fix me a little somethin' somethin', and it's usually banana slathered in Nutella. Which is why the big tub doesn't last long in our house. I figured chocolate (no matter how bad) makes me happy and my kids need me happy. So there. I quote Sheryl Crow. "If it makes you happy, it can't be that bad".

Be smart about your cooking
For those of you with babies, it helps to cook in batches. Cook a big batch of chicken stew and freeze it in individual portions so that you know you'll always have an emergency stash if you don't feel like cooking that day. Have easy no-fail recipes that you know everyone enjoys then cook them. Often. Stock your kitchen with essentials. For us it's eggs, pasta, milk, carrots, corn, peas, broccoli. I also have lots of meats and fish frozen in individual portions for the baby.

Get a tiny slow cooker. It's magic.

Squeeze in some time for you
I know, this is tricky. But it doesn't have to be a big go-out-for-a-facial kinda thing. Just something that you can do for you, all alone. Pick something quick. No not go for a poo, that's asking too much. Something really mundane like clipping your toenails or brushing your hair or getting a quick rinse. Even 5 minutes of checking your phone while the kids are quiet. Even that little break without having to answer any questions will do wonders and perk you up right away.

'Fess up
Sometimes if I'm having a particularly rough day, I tell Poppy. Of course it's in the hope that she'll give me an easy time. But being a parent doesn't mean that you're indestructible. It doesn't mean that you must always be strong. You're still human. I think it's important for our kids to see us as weak sometimes. Because you know what? They're very capable of understanding. Poppy sometimes gives me a big hug and say "It's ok Mama, don't be sad" and I feel better almost right away.

Rope them in
Anger management. Today I celebrate passing Day 8 of my no-crazy-yelling at home (I took the Orange Rhibo challenge; you can read about it here). I couldn't have done it without Poppy. She drives me crazy but when I told her that I didn't want to be this crazy yelly woman, she agreed to help. She's been better behaved, and thinks it's funny to say "Orange Rhino!" at random points.

Remind yourself that it will all pass
Terrible twos? It will pass. Hunger strike? It will pass. Tantrums? It will pass. That's the beauty of it. You just have to grit and go with the flow. And you know what? They will grow too. Fast. So enjoy every moment with them because you'll never get them being the same age again.

Remember that they are kids
I think this is the most important thing. We can't expect them to behave like adults. Everything to them is a new learning experience. It drives me crazy when Calla throws her peas off the high chair, or when Poppy insists on something absurd. But I take a deep breath and remind myself that they're kids, and it's my job to teach them.

I hope this helps! Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.

*Disclaimer: Remember, I never said it was easy. I said it was doable.

Taking The Orange Rhino Challenge

Have you hear of The Orange Rhino? She's a mum of 4 boys who challenged herself to not yell at her kids for a year.  Yes that's right, a year. That's 365 days.

I know that to folks who don't face their kids 24/7, it is shocking to hear of parents who occasionally lose their temper with their kids for asking the most innocent of questions. Like "Mama, can I have a story?"  Like 60,000 times a day. Well guess what? I'm one of those yelly kind of mums. Not often, no, but more often than I'd like. Every time I yell is a lost opportunity to hug them. Every time I scream at them is a time I choose to not teach them about patience.

So I heard about The Orange Rhino, and am in awe of the challenge (that mum not only made it to 365, she's now at 420+!). And I have decided to take my anger rhino by the horns (haha).

You don't have to do 365. You don't even have to set a target. I don't have one. But I know that I want to do this. I want to channel my anger, wherever it may be from, away from my kids.

Lack of sleep (whether it's cos the baby has been nursing lots, or cos I've been up looking at recipes) making me grumpy? Someone said something mean to me? Leaking tap at home? It's too hot? None of these are the kids' faults.

Even if they're screaming cos they're tired or flicking pasta shells at each other. Is it their fault? If we think about it, no. They're kids. They're learning. They're experimenting. They're testing boundaries. And it is up to us to teach them. And what exactly do we teach them by screaming at them? And their  crying faces, them shivering in fear because their Mama has just lost it - I don't like that at all. Not one bit.

In the seconds leading up to an explosion, my inner voice usually rings the bell and says "Stop! You don't want to do this!" And what do I do? I ignore it. I choose to ignore it. I scream and as I hear my own voice crescendo, my inner voice is shouting STOP! And when I reach my finale, my throat is immediately hoarse. And that's just usually from just "Stop! It! Nowwwww!".

What? Why on earth?.,, I'll tell you why. Because I need an outlet. Because I'm sometimes pushed over my limit.

Am I saying give up yelling completely? I'd like to. I'd love to be one of those zen mamas who are always talking in a whisper and yet the kids just obey with one stern look from them. But honestly, find some way to let off steam. Away from the kids. I think imploding is worse that exploding. We could burst a lung or damage some veins by imploding. Scream in closets or toilets or in pillows or whatever.  The Orange Rhino shares some things you can do instead of yelling.

I'm very proud to say that today is day 8 for me. That's right, 8 days of absolutely no yelling. Perhaps a slightly raised voice just to show Poppy I mean business but no uncontrolled screaming that made me regret after.

How did I do it? Well first I got Poppy on board.

"Do you like it when Mama yells at you?"
"No."
"Me neither"

And that was it. I started my Orange Rhino challenge. I told her about it, about how I'd really like to try not screaming at her even though she's done something disobedient. And told her that if she sees that Mount Mama is going to erupt, she can say something funny like "Orange Rhino!", and that'd our cue to both stop our behaviors and start laughing.

How do I feel? Pretty darn good actually. I'd say I've done really well, considering the past week has been reasonably rough with Poppy recovering from a cold, me having both a blocked and drippy nose (oh trust me, it is possibly) and a whopping cough, and Calla now coughing too.

When Poppy throws a fit, I can now calmly face the situation and remind myself that I'm not going to yell. It serves absolutely no purpose than to make everyone feel crappy. I'm firm, and I stand my ground. And when Poppy calms down, she comes to me for a hug and apologizes.

It's not easy, but it's not impossible. I'm so glad I heard of this. Next stop, zen mama-ness.