I feel bad though, so to make up for it, this week's posts will be focused on thankfulness.
We have a mattress on the floor in our kids' room. I dislike it. I mean, it's very comfortable but I dislike the idea of having it there. It's unsightly, it takes up half the room so we can't play there, and it just doesn't belong. But it's there to serve a purpose; we lie there when we put the girls to bed, and sometimes we fall asleep there and find ourselves there when the sun rises.
If we don't fold it up in the morning, it remains there during the day. If we do fold it up, it's still a cumbersome thing and though it means that we have more floor room, it also means it's blocking something else. So, I dislike it.
But one morning I woke up to the sound of a kiss. But I didn't feel anything. Then I heard footsteps and the door knob. I looked up to see Poppy padding out of the room and then in my groggy state of mind, it hit me - she had kissed sleeping Calla who was wrapped up in the blanket under my arm.
I woke up with a smile that morning. Because unsightly mattress or not, I am blessed. And the thing about realising how very blessed I am is that I started seeing all the good things about having that mattress in the room:
I get to talk to the girls as we wind down for the night. I get to hug them and smell their hair and be the last person to say "Goodnight my angels; sweet dreams, I love you" to them. I get to hear them whisper to each other and giggle. Now I just let them. Because when they grow up, I want them to remember chatting into the night with each other, and now how strict their mother was with their bedtime.
One day that mattress will be gone. One day we will have that wide open space. One day we might even be able to walk five consecutive steps without stepping on a toy or book or loose blanket or raisin. But when that one day comes, it might also mean that the girls are old enough and independant enough and no longer need or want us to put them to bed.
So a cleaner and less cluttered room can wait. I'm grateful for now, and for that wretched mattress on the floor that is the cause of my anguish.