This Wow (Words of Wisdom) segment is proudly brought to you by Calla
Greetings, fellow small ones. In case you have mis-read the title, this post is for babies, and tips on how they can survive in this strange new place outside the warm squishy place we used to call home. It is not about how the big people can adapt their lives to fit ours. If you are an older child, you might want to read my sister's tips, on how she used her Ninja skills to conquer her opponents many times her size without the use of weapons like books, rattles, or Bumbo seats.
If there is one thing you should know, it is that big people have absolutely no idea what we want. So it is up to us to educate them. Many of us were bundled up too comfortably after our entrance into the world, and probably slept through all the gossip shared in the hospital's nursery. But have no fear, all is not lost. Today I shall share my tried and tested tips on what you can do to wrangle out of sticky situations at home.
We shall begin.
Tip #1: Flash those Gummies!
Big people seem to like making strange faces at us. We should always respond with a big gummy grin at them. They seem to like them. And after, we're rewarded with nice big and warm hugs and something they call "kisses", which are nice too. But sometimes a little noisy. It's easy - just turn the corners of your lips up, and open your mouth as much as it goes. If you can add the sound effects, that'e even better. Remember, the better you do this, the funnier the facial responses you will get. It's really quite entertaining. Also, gummy flashing allows you to get away with anything. A useful tip to remember.
Tip #2: Know What You Want? Don't Accept Anything Else!
If your mummy (the big person who always talks to you in a soft sweet voice. The one who fumbles more and doesn't carry you quite so comfortably and always has a confused look is the 'daddy') gives you milk from the two soft spongey things on her body-that's called the snackbar-, then you're in luck because milk (that's the thing you drink) from there tastes really good. Except when she has curry (curry = not good).
So if you don't like any other way your milk is delivered, don't be afraid to let it be known. Think of the loudest sound you know. Got it? I'll share a secret with you. You are louder than that. You can achieve it if you try. Go on, try. And once you get that, remember it. Use it each time you want something but it's not given to you.
Little coo-ing sounds are great. They usually get you sweet smiles from big people. But they are useless when you really want some attention and don't feel like screaming for it. Here's what you can do: Grab the closest thing to you, and put it on your mouth. The smaller and dirtier, the better. This is guaranteed to grab the attention of the big people. They'll run to you in a panic to remove the thing from you.
Tip #4: Don't Forget Your Secret Super Power
You have something called "The Baby Smell". It's the most powrful thing in the world. Use that to your advantage. Your mummy is the biggest fan of this. When you are on the snackbar and sense that she's pulling away, give off a generous dose of The Baby Smell. She'll pull you back close just to smell you more. It's like a kind of drug. If anyone wants to smell you, let them. Offer your neck. Once they smell you, they are yours to command.
You can also add on some special effects like curling your hand around the big person's finger, or putting your hand on them. They like that kind of thing, and will usually hang on to you for a while longer.
Tip #5: When in Doubt, Scream
That's quite self explanatory. But don't just take my word for it. Try it for yourself and see the results!
Till we meet again, remember these tips, my friends. They will serve you well.