It made my heart cry out and I just had to hug her and assure her that her hair is gorgeous and perhaps those little girls just never knew anyone who had hair that wasn't silky straight like theirs so that's why they didn't know what to say but that. It took a while, but she now knows that everyone is different, and everyone is special and unique.
I love her curly hair by the way. It's got style. It's got character. It makes her stand out. My parents always told me that you won't get far if you simply follow the crowd. To be seen, you have to be different. Her hair, plus her super level of friendliness, certainly does make her stand out.
And so it has started. The whole "needing to conform in order to be like everyone else" thing. Quick reminder: she is 4 years old. Her classmates are also 4 years old. Why in the world are they not running free at the playgrounds with the wind in their hair and getting sweaty and sticky and climbing everywhere? Why are they talking about hair?! What next? Pedicures?
According to a study by SingHealth in 2007, 84% of Singaporean teenage girls want to change the way they look. In 9 years, Poppy will be a (insert heart palpitation here) teenager. There will be talk of unwanted hair, branded clothes and if she wears glasses, we might find her occasionally without them, just because "they make me look funny". Particularly if there are boys around. Oh goodness. (insert another heart palpitation here) Boys.
How do we, as mums, teach our daughters that they are beautiful, no matter what people say or think? How do we teach them that beauty is more than just skin deep? How do we teach them to love themselves? How do we boost their self-esteem?
The same study shares that 74% of Singaporean teenage girls feel there is a need to start talking to girls earlier in their lives about what real beauty is and that girls are most influences by those around them, especially their female friends and mothers.
We've always told Poppy how much we love her, and always try to speak positively. Without even knowing it, we talk alot about the 'beauty' factor. Even when she was a baby, we would say things like "Who's this gorgeous baby? It's you!" and that would get squeals of laughter from her. We do the over excited dramatic "Wow you look beauuuuutiful!" whenever she puts on a new outfit from her dress up box, and when she does her ballerina routine, we clap and cheer with gusto.
I just love seeing her shy face when she walks out of the room, not knowing what kind of reaction to expect from us but secretly hoping for it to be a big jaw-dropping one because she's so excited about her outfit - and yes, I can tell all that just by looking at her. I'm her mother, you see
Sometimes she says really surprising things like "Mama, if we go to the moon, we can't drink water from a cup because there isn't any gravity to keep the water in the cup and it will spill all over", and we ask in mock shock, "How come you're so clever!". She loves it. She just smiles and say "Because you teach me!"
Sometimes she surprises me with things like "That's a nice necklace, Mama" or "I like your dress, Mama". I suppose she does listen when I say these things to her after all. Perhaps that has somehow made it easier for her to accept my whole explanation of how people are different thing, but I can only hope that as she grows, she will continue to love herself and be comfortable in her own skin.
One day, on the bus, she was just gazing out the window andquietly said to me, "Mama, I am beautiful". I just had to hug her and agree with "Yes, baby, you are." I couldn't agree more. I hope I'm doing it right.
Poppy and I recently started on "The Poppy Book". It was meant to be a keepsake for her, with pages of her friends and family, and what she likes at this age, but inspired by Dove®'s Campaign for Real Beauty, I think we will make it a point to include things like what makes her special.
What motivates me to do this? It's simple. I have a beautiful little girl; she's gorgeous on the outside, and has a wonderful personality and good heart. And I need her to know that, no matter what anyone says.
Got a 8-14 year old girl at home? Check out Dove®'s Proposed Activities!
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| I start early with this little one too. Sinead O'Connor hairstyle or not, she's gorgeous to me, and I make sure she knows it |
PS this post isn't sponsored by Dove; I just am a big fan of that campaign.
Wonderful post! I always tell Becky that she's beautiful too, that she's my precious. Now I just have to somehow let her know that it's not just the outside, but she's beautiful on the inside too, thoughtful, loving and extremely friendly. I agree that it's not easy. You've made me mentally prepare myself for the challenges & questions that will come when she goes to nursery next year. Thanks! :)
ReplyDeleteMy girl has curly hair, someday, she may said the same thing as Poppy. I hope to teach her the same value you have taught Poppy :) Well done!
ReplyDeleteOh I love this post! I can so hear the conversation between Poppy and you. And yeah! I ove Poppy's curly hair, it's cute! and unique! It's good to be different sometimes, that's what I tell Isaac :)
ReplyDeleteSophie has slightly wavy hair too and I tell her that she looks nice in them. But I'm mindful that we have to stop emphasizing on her looks as she has so many other good qualities.
ReplyDeleteI love your "the Poppy book " idea with Poppy and hey even as adults, we nee a reminder from time to time too.
I don't have a daughter (hopefully I will one day) but I can imagine talking to her about this issue of self-esteem and self-love, which I think is so crucial (and I feel the earlier we talk about it, the better!). It's human nature to praise what's beautiful, nothing wrong with it at all. But when it comes to our daughters, let's even praise them for their talents and skills more, because we want to instill a sense of self-confidence that is not built upon outward appearance but the beauty that radiates from within, knowing that they are talented in their own special way.
ReplyDeleteI can understand how heart-breaking it is for u to hear that Poppy is being called names for no reason. Kids are not very sensitive with other kids who are different, and I really blame their parents who neglect teaching their children that they need to respect their friends even when they are different.
ReplyDeleteTeach her to speak up to the other child, that it is not nice to call people names. That's what I tell Kyle too when he experiences name calling in the school. we always talk about it and also this gets him think about why this person is like that, that he needs to be mean to another person to make himself feel better. The last time Kyle experienced that with a bully in school, he realized that the classmate in school spends little time with his parents and he is always saying bad things about his own parents to his friends. This got him thinking about why his classmate behaves the way he does. Our kids will never fail to surprise us with their understanding despite their young age.
Love this post and totally agree with the heart palpitation parts. Lol. I do tell my girl every so often that she's beautiful too and it's going to be a challenge to let them know how everyone is unique and that beauty is not just skin deep. Guess we will all learn together along the way. Thanks for sharing and please tell poppy for me that her curls are gorgeous!
ReplyDeleteAs you already know, I love her curls too! I wish I had those beautiful curls.
ReplyDeleteAdora, I completely was in Poppy's shoes. I had curly wurly hair too and didn't like it. When I grew up, I could get a rebond. When I had straight hair, I bought curlers so I could look like tai tai. When my rebond outgrew an had curly twines again, I got it straighten. I'm so hard to please! :p now my daughter asks me. Why she doesn't have curls like me because she has straight hair and wants curls. >__<
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