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| I get to see this sight, and kiss these hands and feet every single day :) |
This afternoon, while we were out having our afternoon snack, someone asked me, "You're looking after them both on your own? That's really nice."
And indeed it is.
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| Library visits - I've had more in the last 4 years than in 30 before |
It also started me thinking. One day I just realised that I have stopped yearning for adult conversation over lunches. Not having regular pedicures or facials don't bother me anymore. Not having a fixed amount of money deposited into my bank account every month, not being able to plan my day according to what I want, changing my mindset toward many things... I've accepted these things are part of my new life, one that is allowing me to enjoy the little things. Non material things. And I'm happy for that.
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| These two. They drive me crazy, and I am head over heels in love with them |
I can't quite pin point the exact moment when it happened. It just did. But if I were to think about it hard enough, I'd say it occured around the time Calla was born. When I left my job when Poppy was 3 months old, I was honestly a little bitter. Being at home with her was bittersweet. For months I wondered if I had made the right choice. I had regular internal battles. I had withdrawal symptoms. I was envious of working mums. It took me nearly a year to get used to it.
But when Calla was born, I had already gone through all those feelings, and I knew, I just knew, that what I was doing was the right thing to do. It just felt so right.
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| Not owning a car allows us to play games while taking the train or bus. Here, Max and Poppy are playing "Thumb Battle" |
Having Max at home a lot is wonderful. But it also means that since he is spending more time with the kids, he's not out there working. So we tighten our belts, no problem. We can do that.
These days, I don't think about what I have lost. Rather, I think about what I have gained.
And it's liberating.
You made me all teary eyed! Indeed, the growing up years are precious, and nothing can ever replace that.
ReplyDeleteAdult convos can be draining. The kids, however... Will always look to you for guidance, and help, hugs, kisses and cuddles. As a working mum, I truly envy you.
The kids will also Drive You Crazy in ways that no adults can! Kids are the most demanding bosses ever! But these kids, they're mine, and I suppose they get their bossyness from me so I can't complain!!
DeleteYou're doing a great job with C. Out of all the working mums I know, you are one of those who spend the most time with their kid! Look at all the places you bring him to!!
You're doing fantastic ok?
I need to speak to you more to gain more perspective of motherhood. On week days nights when all I want to do after work is zone out, I can get frustrated when Sophie insist that I have to play, read, do this, do that. Sure, I do enjoy them and look forward to seeing her, playing with her, but some days I also get that I just want my space, my time moments and get frustrated... Still learning about sacrificial love...
ReplyDeleteI'm flattered. I understand how tiring it can be because I went back to workforce when poppy was 2 plus and all I wanted to do when I got home was sleep or channel surf. All I could do was have dinner then lie down with her and tell her stories before bed. Many nights I would fall asleep with her and wake up at 3am still in my work clothes. To me that was the turning point. I felt it was ridiculous that I could only spend an hour a day with her.
DeleteWell now I also turn down some requests for games and books and stories cos I'm so worn out. But I think I make up for it in other ways.
It took me a long while to get to this point! But it wasn't without sacrifice. It's hard to explain but it feels quite zen-like!
I would love to be in your shoes! I am missing out so much with DinoBoy :( Sometimes I feel guilty and I splurge on him with toys and books but I learnt to stop myself before I go crazy, this is not the way to love him or make up for me not being there for him. How I wish I can have the best of both world.
ReplyDeleteWe want our kids to be happy and we buy things we know they will like to make them happy. There's nothing wrong in that. Don't feel guilty about it. You are a great mama!
DeleteI get you Adora! You still kiss Poppy's feet too? :p I stopped when they were about 2 years old unless it's an after shower thing. I miss the assam smell in between baby's toes!
ReplyDeleteAdeline no!!!! Only calla's! Poppy wears school shoes and goes to school so no more kissing and smelling! Haha. I pretend to bite her toes sometimes tho. But only after shower!!
DeleteI've got lots to learn from you Adora...each time you post about the sacrifices you make to stay home for the girls, it makes me feel ashamed and very humbled...because you've mastered the perspective of contentment when you chose to devote the prime years of your life to your family. That's the noblest calling. It's not just being a SAHM, it's what you do with your time as a SAHM that makes the difference. You are our role model and inspiration! :)
ReplyDeleteWow Angie those are really powerful words. I'm sure your perception of me is far kinder than I deserve. I have my down days too and sometimes I wonder if I'm doing enough for the girls. Bu I suppos that though plagues every mother, regardless of occupation! You are doing so well ith Dana; your love or her is so evident!
DeleteIt's a great revelation to be able to be at peace with where you are currently at in life. It's great that you are able to appreciate the time spent with the girls while enjoying their childhood.
ReplyDeleteYes Dominique, the peace, it's so refreshing! Then I look at my bank statement nd the zen ness dissipates haha
DeleteHi Adora, I totally agree with you (including the library visits!). It is a liberating journey. Due to my hubby's nature of work, he's also @ home so it makes being a family an even more wonderful experience for me :-)
ReplyDeleteYes indeed. Having my husband home makes me feel like we're in this together!
DeleteHi! I really enjoy reading your blog, but this post particularly brought tears to my eyes. I can relate to every single statement!
ReplyDeleteI gave my job up when my daughter was 10 months old. Now she's almost 4, and I have a son who's 8 months old. I take care of them both all by myself when my husband is away at work, even right after I came back home after delivering the second baby.
When I first left my job, I really did feel bitter. I did so well in school, earned a good degree, had a promising career, but why did I have to throw that all away just because I couldnt bring myself to leave or trust my child with any other person. And I couldnt bear the thought of spending a whole day away from her.
Now, 3 years and another baby later, I cannot imagine this being any other way. I have no regrets at all! Sure, they drive me crazy often, but I would not exchange this for anything else!
Of course, no weekly girls night out, pampering sessions, expensive clothes nor toys. But sincerely, I dont miss them.
For I gain so much more non material things, just like you said.
I'm glad my husband and I could rearrange our finances and commitments so that we could still lead fulfilling and rewarding lives with our kids despite just having one income.
People often ask me why am I wasting my talent/education by staying home? I tell them, if they think I do have so much talent and am as knowledgeable and savvy as I am, then it's all the more reason i should be the one to raise my child so that I can pass all that to them! I want to teach my kids my values.
At the end of the day, this is what keeps me really happy. I guess that's what matters. We should do what our heart says. Pick an option that the heart (and wallet) point to, stick with it, and do our best. I always feel that no matter what we choose to do, we are bound to have some degree of regret when we look back in the future. And I'd rather my regrets be about not having a successful career than not being the one to fully raise my kids and not be hurried when I'm with them at any point in the day. I dont want to look back 20 years from now thinking where did all those years go when I had my kids all to myself? Even now I feel that they are growing up too fast, everytime I feel that way I hug them close to my heart.
All said, most importantly, I'm glad I can be home with 2 super active kids the whole day and still stay relatively sane!
I'm also in the midst of slowly setting up my own home based business (slowly because i only get like 15 mins of me time a day!). With this work from home arrangement, I can keep myself occupied once the kids start schooling, and yet can be free enough to do all the chauffering. I still have doubts that my business will bring any profit at all (dont tell my husband!), but hey, it's also something I'm passionate about, so I really dont mind as long as I break even.
Anyway, please keep up the great job and keep the posts coming. I truly enjoy your blog, it's inspiring, and we are sooo in the same boat! :-)
-NK
Thank you for taking the time to write such a long and heartfelt comment. Indeed, many must wonder why we're doing what we do. I totally agree with you that years down the road, I want to know that I made the right choice by staying home with the kids in their formative years. I keep telling myself: I may not be the best caregiver but no bmatter how sucky I am, I'm the caregiver that will give them the love that they deserve. So sorry kiddos, you're stuck with me
DeleteThank you for sharing your thoughts, Adora.
ReplyDeleteIt is always so easy to undermine a SAHM's value and contribution.
It takes enormous patience, resourcefulness to rein in the kids, and you are an inspiration.
I doubt I have the patience to handle the kids as a SAH-parent, and I am so grateful for my Mrs' sacrifices :)
cheers, Andy (SengkangBabies)
Thanks Andy. Indeed, a stay home parent needs a great deal of patience , which the kids will try their best to stretch! Your wife is doing an amazing job juggling 4 kids! And from the little we spoke during the Toggle interview, you seem like a very calm parent - I'm sure your kids appreciate that, very much!
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