I start by getting everyone ready. I tell Poppy we're leaving in five minutes when actually it's something like 15. I'm so clever aren't I? She's usually reading something from her Magic Schoolbus pack, or Arthur Has Chicken Pox, or a Berenestain Bears book. Whatever it is, her eyes are glued to it, and she doesn't seem to hear me.
So I pack everything, and then some, cos who knows when you will ever need a pair of scuba flippers or a party hat, right? And my phone, of course, my phone. Heaven forbid I forget my phone. What if I miss a wonderful milestone and fail to capture it on camera and post it online for all to see? What sort of failure mum would I be! Disaster! Calamity!
Just so you know, I don't really say "some random place". I actually tell them where we're going, who were meeting and what we'll be doing. Cos I'm all about honesty. Except sometimes I say "It'll be fun!", knowing full well it probably won't. But I'm a mum, and advertising is also part of my job.
In the midst of all the packing, I also pick out Poppy's outfit and tell her.
I'm not one of those mums that needs to dress her kids in all kinds of fancy brands and stuff. But I choose her outfit so that Max doesn't have to do it. Because the few times I delegated the task to him ended up in her dressed like this. Or similar.
Meanwhile, in Poppy Land, finally, a response! But not quite one I was hoping for.
I tell her ok fine, we will go to that oh so fun place and do that oh so fun thing, maybe there'll be bouncey castles and ice cream and stuff (or maybe not, maybe it'll just be a dinner at my parents' house, but hey, life is a box of chocolates, no? What if my parents suddenly decided to hire a clown for dinner entertainment?). I do it in the hope that she'll jump up and say that she'll get ready right away! Of course it doesn't work. What are you, a novice parent?
But Max decides to help us out. He's Canadian so he's big on laws and such. Did I tell you that one bitter cold Winter day, one of his friends politely refused to give us a ride because he didn't have a car seat for Poppy? So we ended up walking in minus a billion degrees with winds and all for 20 minutes. It could have been a 3 minute car ride. So anyway. He brings in the law talk. Like "the law" means anything to a 5-year old.
So finally we head out. And then, of course, this happens.
* Disclaimer: to all my 3 Canadian readers, I mean no disrespect, y'all. Just saying it was a long walk. And I didn't have good shoes. And I was pregnant, that's all. And it was a long walk. But I have a profound respect for all members of your law enforcement crew. Particularly those on horses cos that's just so cool, isn't it! And by the way, one of Max's friends was a Mounty!
If you're wondering about the drawings: I've so been inspired by this mum. Her writing is hilarious and her drawings sometimes make me pee in my pants. But before you go all copycat-kiss-the-rat on me, you may like to read her FAQ page where she states that she 'is not the first ever human to draw pictures', and that she too was inspired by and accused of copying someone else.